Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
