Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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