Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
