be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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