i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
