I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
