she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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