His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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