remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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