My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
