Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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