dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
