is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize