Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
