It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Couch. On fire.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
