this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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