DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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