Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
