YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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