Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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