we have officially lost it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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