i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
