Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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