I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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