Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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