I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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