hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
