You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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