I just pynch a tree in the face
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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