I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
