For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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