I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
