Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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