Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
