My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
