You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
