and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
