There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
