Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
