the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize