Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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