Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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