Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
