maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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