DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soap is not a condiment
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
