don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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