I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
