Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
