I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize