how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize