He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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