you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Panties = found
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
