If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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