First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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