note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
