you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
