the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
