I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
God, I missed his penis.
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