I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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