I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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