You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
