We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
