sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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