College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
