im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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