He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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