i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
