just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm like, not good at living.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
